Review: GHOST SHARK Asks, Can Great White Lightning Strike Twice?

Andrew Mack, Contributing Writer
From the brilliant minds that brought you Arachnoquake and Mega Piranha comes the chilling tale of the vengeful spirit of a great white shark, Ghost Shark. It airs tonight on SyFy at 9 p.m.ET. 

A shark is attacked by a group of fisherman and before it dies it rests in a cursed cave where it's spirit is released to continue feeding on the residents of a sleepy summer town. Ava and Cicely's dad was the captain of that chartered boat and when he also turns up missing they investigate his disappearance. But soon Ghost Shark begins attacking the residents, turning up wherever there is water. How can it be stopped? And what does the lighthouse keeper Finch (Richard Moll) know about the cave and the town curse that can save them all from this translucent terror! 

Pretty much wherever there is water, Ghost Shark is going to show up and ruin shit. Pool parties. Car washes. General contracting. One of the characters even goes as far as to say, "If we stay dry maybe it will leave us alone". Brilliance personified! What Ghost Shark lacks in coherency it more than makes up for in gore and entertainment. It lacks the dried out husk of Tara Reid and the chainsaw wielding Ian Ziering. Instead, we have to settle for Richard Moll and Mackenzie Rosman. You remember her? Ruthie Camden from 7th Heaven. Hardly an equal match but we take what we can get. 

The gore in Ghost Shark is decent. GS has a fetish for the top halves of human bodies, mostly. Starting with the sacrificial blonde bimbo on the jet ski. Watch as her lower torso rides to shore then suddenly disappear! It leaves the sheriff with no choice but say they're looking for a missing girl and she is presumed dead. Holy hell. Perhaps we should be looking for the sicko who is taking the bottom half of female shark attack victims home with him. 

Probably the most entertaining kill though involves the every day water cooler. Wait for it! Other than that there are a lot of pairs of legs running around on their own. Some severed limbs and floating heads. This is where the real entertainment value lies and that is in the violence. The key difference between Ghost Shark and its predatory predecessor Sharknado is that there is less shark violence and more human violence. 

None of Ghost Shark makes sense. It does not have to. It is full of ludicrous scenes. Why do none of the watery tarts at the car wash question why an underage driver shows up in a cherry red Mustang? I mean, five bucks is five bucks, but you're rubbing your tits on the windshield of a car driven by a minor! 

Never you mind, Ghost Shark will show up soon and this kid will have no good memories left to masturbate to. Unless, of course, he is the one who stole the bimbo's bikini bottom remains from the first scene. Then, ick.
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