Top 5 Wacky Market Posters from Cannes 2012

Ryland Aldrich, Festivals Editor

While the very best of world cinema is unspooling upstairs at the Palais (see our reviews of Paradise: Love and Reality), there is a-whole-nother world of cinema happening downstairs. Probably the biggest draw of the fest isn't the red carpet glamour or the awards ready fare, its the Marché du film, the enormous film market that happens right alongside the fest. And as with any market, sellers come from all over the world to hock their wares to the highest bidder. In this case, the wares are movies, and there are buyers for films of all sizes and shapes, be them big budget Oscar-bait or wacky low budget wonders. Each and every film needs a poster to attract buyers and this leads to a lot of OMGs as you walk the market floor. We've scoured the aisles for the best of the, errr, best, and present them to you here. Just remember, one territory's straight to video, is another territory's box office gold!

Also: check out Nicolas Cage's abs in the Marble City poster if you missed them.

cannesposters_silentvenom.jpg 5. SILENT VENOM
Directed by B-Movie director extraordinaire Fred Olen Ray (he has 124 directing credits on IMDB), this movie actually made it's DVD debut in the US in 2009. Luke Perry plays a soldier who has to carry mutant snakes back from a remote island... on a submarine. You gotta wonder why they didn't just call it the name it was destined to have: SNAKES ON A SUB!
4. FIRE TWISTERS
With a premise like "Twister, but with fire," you'd be pretty safe to guess this was a poster for the latest release from The Asylum. However, you'd be incorrect. The fact is, I can't find any info online about Fire Twisters, and I'm starting to wonder if it isn't just a spec poster made by some entrepreneurial graphic artist.
cannesposters_firetwisters.jpg
cannesposters_deadwalking.jpg 3. DEAD WALKING
So you've seen a poster that looks like The Asylum... now feast your eyes on the real deal. Hmmmm, what successful comic book turned television franchise could they be trying to piggy back on here? But the very best part of this is the cast. Beside Mariel Hemingway and Danny "Machete" Trejo is Geordi Frickin La Forge himself. Just try to ge away when you've got an undead Levar Burton trying to read you children's books.
2. AMERICAN HANGOVER
"Borrowing" themes and ideas from successful franchises is part and parcel in the filmmaking biz, but this film starring N'Syncer Joey Fatone and Winnie Cooper is about as blatant as it comes. But don't be too hard on this directorial debut from Frank Vain, this might just be the title for Euro audiences as the film is still awaiting release in the US under its original title MANCATION.
cannesposters_americanhangover.jpg
cannesposters_vampireles.jpg 1. LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS
Ohhh boy! You may remember the Lesbian Vampire Killers from their 2009 British film. Well they appear to be back, and this time they are in Asian form. Unfortunately, all other information on Asian Lesbian Vampire Killers is still forthcoming. We'll let you know when they come up with a tagline as well. If only there was some place to put it...

HONORABLE MENTIONS
Okay there is simply too much wackiness to keep it to 5. Check out more posters below where you'll find Andy Dick between a school girl's legs (it's out on DVD in the US now!), the Chinese movie version of Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, a movie that just might be timed to come out with Pacific Rim, and a pretty awesome looking dance battle movie, cleverly titled Dance Battle.


Around the Internet:
  • mightyjoeyoung

    Thank god auteurs like Fred Olen Ray is still working....check out his masterpiece Cyclone (1987)....too bad Ashley Ferrare stopped making films.

  • Stephen

    Not to be a Nazi, but "Beach Spike" is a Hong Kong production, and "Atlantic Rim" is ripping off the upcoming Guillermo Del Toro summer 2013 flick, Pacific Rim ; ).

  • Ryland Aldrich

    Duh, thanks I updated with those corrections.

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